Lousy Limericks Again

The limericks roll up when I’m walking. Here’s three more. I would like to be topical, but that’s just not happening.

Lulu Rocks

Lulu is a girl who goes

She shakes it down to her toes

Her two left feet

Are plates of meat

But she rocks the adipose


Long and Curly

There was a young girl called Shirley

Who’s teeth were white & pearly

But down at her feet

All folded up neat

Was her tongue so long and curly


Don’t Mess With May

A fearsome old lady called May

Insisted she had the last say

So any deniers

She attacked with pliers

Whilst humming, ‘I Did It My Way’



She Who Laughs Last

20180309_094701-1462145880.jpgThis was my entry into a competition, He who Laughs Last, Laughs Loudest.

I hadn’t planned to pull his head off. I bent and searched for body parts under the desk.

“You’re an Action Man, for plastics sake,” I told him. “You’re supposed to hold it together.”

I was still on my knees when Mr Krypton returned to his office.

“Much as I approve of the attitude. What are you doing down there, Miss Light?”

“It’s Bright, sir. One of your soldier dolls fell off the shelf.”

“Not dolls. They’re valuable collectibles.”

Yeah, right. Whatever. Krypton had a whole wall of them. Not what you’d expect from a mid-level manager.

“He’s out on manoeuvres, sir. No. Found him.” I positioned the doll on the desk. I’d rammed his head on the wrong way round. Aren’t soldiers supposed to have eyes in the back of their heads?

“Well, Miss Suzie Light. You’ve been with us for two months now.”

“Sally Bright, sir. Yes, I’m loving it.”

“A Pity. We’re going to have to let you go.”

I crumpled my face. “But, sir, my line manager says I’m doing well.”

“I make the decisions. You’re going. Leaving. Sacked. Do I make myself clear, Miss Light?”

I nodded and rose.

“Sit down. I haven’t finished yet. How important is this job to you?”

“It means everything, sir.”

“I could be persuaded.” Krypton caressed thin lips with a meaty tongue.

I widened my eyes.

He stood and hooked both thumbs through his belt. “How nice can you be?”

When I didn’t react, he thrust his hips forwards and back. His belly rippled to a tune of its own.

“If you’re asking me for sexual favours, sir, the answer is no.”

Krypton stopped jiggling and sank back into his chair. Tiny beads of sweat perforated his brow.

“You’ll be sorry you said that.” He reached into a drawer.

I gasped as he aimed the gun at my breast. Although primed, shock waves of fear seared through my body. The gun popped and he laughed. A cloth with a message unfurled from the barrel. ‘You’re fired,’ it said.

“Tell anyone and I’ll hunt you down with a real gun.” He returned his toy to the drawer. “Dismissed. Leave the premises and speak to no-one.”

I stood to attention. “You don’t scare me. I intend to report your behaviour.”

Krypton laughed long and hard. I feared for his epiglottis.

“My word against yours. Who’d believe a chit like you?”

“They will when they see the video.” I scooped up my soldier and we marched to the door. “A cannonball’s coming your way, Mr Krypton. Take care.”

Should You Write Everyday??

Bernadette Benda

If there is one maxim that haunts the life of every writer, it is this one.

You should write everyday.

The saying has been around since – well, not since the dinosaurs roamed the earth, but it has been around for a while. Since it’s been around for a while, it has gathered a bit of well, controversy around it.

There are two sides (as I see it) that people take about the saying.


Ahem. That’s side one.

The second side says: Don’t worry about it! You don’t have to write every day! Do what works best for you! Never let anyone tell you if…

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Pump It UP

Pump It Up

There was a young lady called Kate

Who had an unusual trait

She could inflate her chest 

Through a pump in her vest

She gave a big squeeze on a date

Fake Bake

There was a young man who liked cake 

And was proud of all he did bake

His meringues were sound

His tarts renowned

But his cream horn was just a fake.

Miss Whippy

A young lady loved walnut whips

But they only lasted two licks 

As she opened her jaw 

All the men were in awe 

And said, “does she do other tricks?”

I Put It Out There

Following on from the last post……

I went on to expose myself in a public place.  Not that I whipped off my old lady clothes and ran down the street naked, no, it was worse than that.

This novel of mine has been rumbling on for years and I have made vague comments about it, to my closest friends. It’s like one of those endless scarves you knit as a child,  or was that just me?  

Friends know you are doing it, and occasionally ask how it’s going, but it’s the not the most riveting of topics.

I decided to use strangers as my guinea pigs, before inflicting my work on friends. Wise decision, as it turned out, as I was mauled.

The stitches of my scarf unravelled as they pulled it apart line by line.  My precious bits of prose were decimated, my characters pilloried.

They made me see it with fresh eyes and they were all so right.  Six critiques so far and they have all found different holes and errors.

I have completely revised the first chapter, the experience has been invaluable.  My knitting needles have been adjusted.

 It’s all there on Scribophile.  If you are not familiar with the site, I fervently recommend it.  You gain points by critiquing other works and when you have sufficient, you post your darlings and wait for the fall out.   It’s brilliant.  If you already subscribe,  or decide to join, say hello to me on there.

Meet and Greet: 7/14/17

Let’s all have a big group hug.

Dream Big, Dream Often


It’s the bimonthly Meet and Greet everyone!!  Strap on your party shoes and join the fun!  

Ok so here are the rules:

  1. Leave a link to your page or post in the comments of this post.
  2. Reblog this post.  It helps you, it helps me, it helps everyone!
  3. Edit your reblog post and add tags.
  4. Feel free to leave your link multiple times!  It is okay to update your link for more exposure every day if you want.  It is up to you!

  5. Share this post on social media.  Many of my non-blogger friends love that I put the Meet n Greet on Facebook and Twitter because they find new blogs to follow.

See ya on Monday!!

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I’m Putting It Out There

There comes a time for us fledgling authors to take a leap into the unknown and show our writing to a willing victim.

For someone who’s aim is to take the publishing world by storm, (in your dreams, girl), I have been strangely reluctant to do so.

I can only attribute this to basic insecurity. But is that not the trait of us all, despite the bluster we muster?

We are all beasts of contradiction. My ego is as big as a house, disguised under a layer of self deprecation, but at the same time, perhaps I am nothing special and will fail to sparkle.

What if my writing is no good, or worse, is actively bad? My ego tells me it compares favourably with works in my genre. Reality says, ‘Think again, hot shot.’

I have shown no-one my fiction so far, even though I am on chapter 19. It’s time to take that leap though, as I need to know my weaknesses, shatter those delusions and move forward to conquer.